:)

2009-10-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

there are many things i need to learn

regardless of what i think of things

2009-09-29T16:37:00.002+08:00

prelims are not over, but i've got a 2 day break before bio mcq on fri. THEN ITS OVER.

then again, there's still another month before the end. but the 2 days of freedom we have before school begins are precious and not to be soured by worries, pressures and stress :)

honestly, i'm in more of a hurry for school to end than for A's. these 2 years, while academic pressures are madly intense (and sometimes unbearable), it is not the worst of it all. but i don't think there are any regrets and i don't want to turn back the clock to restart it. never looked forward more than ever in my life. but still with apprehension.

the what-ifs and the so-hows of life :)

i want to see F1!!!

2009-09-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

RANTRANTRANT
GAHHHHHHHHHHH
GGGRRROOWLLLLLLL
GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
BBBAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHRRRMMMPPPHHHH
RRRAWWWRRRRR
RAWR
RRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
F
FFFFF
FFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
QSDNC%$@!%!@&#%&^*^!&(@^#SKDCJKHG%$%#!$%w@
^&%@#$%^$!@$#@!&*&^%$#!@#$%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ah.

2009-09-08T15:02:00.002+08:00

the pressure's on!

i'm glad that so far i'm still able to sleep at night, as it was before the jcts. sometimes it seems so awfully difficult, yet forced to press on because there is so much at stake. i hope eventually i will realise it was worth the effort, the frustrations and the stress. i don't want to give up now.

2009-08-05T16:08:00.001+08:00

today was exhausting. draining.

worry about the past,worry about the future, which suddenly seems so bleak.

humanism, atheism,or religion?

2009-07-29T23:43:00.002+08:00

i think time is passing way too fast. i conclude that the earth is spinning a little faster, clocks and watches tick with greater frequency, speed of everything on this planet is increasing rapidly. the reason why there hasn't been any news on scientific research on this strange phenomena is that it is hardly strange, but a concerted effort by the evil aliens of the society to sentence us to death by time deficit.

in my next life, i would like to be an extraterrestrial.

2009-07-29T23:29:00.002+08:00

so, is this designed to kill slowly or torturously, to break us before the end, or done with good intentions?

2009-07-17T22:31:00.002+08:00

3rd week of term 3.half-hectic week, papers all released. the phrase "prelims is in 2 months" keeps ringing. soon its going to be "prelims start tomorrow", then A levels start tomorrow, then A levels are over, then the rest of life continues.

haven't been to focused on work this week. taking a long time to complete a revision topic cause of plenty of distractions like harry potter,prom and chalet discussions. and paper returning. i need to get back to serious work. serious serious. somebody scold me if i start engaging in nonsense when mugging session is on.

right.

anyway, i realise that there have been a strangely increasing number of 2208 outings. i'm getting confused between them all. ice age3 after jcts, pulau ubin, harry potter today (which i fell sweetly asleep and fatfat busty had to wake me). all fun despite increasing tinge of guilt cause prelims are coming. i wonder where one draws the line between balance of work and play? the guilt when having fun, and the thought that there's more to life than work when mugging. sometimes i think that if i'm dying in 3 months i'd still spend it going to school, finishing tutorials, studying half-heartedly while talking crap, and internetting at night. and still feel satisfied :)

right.

after reading something i realise that there have been so many lies. so many until i don't know what to believe anymore, and in fact i'm put off by anything now that hints remotely at the subject. so much for education; allows us to see where contradictions and conflicts occur, yet does not provide any solution to resolve it. i never know if what i've been doing is right, if it'll solve the issue or aggravate it. and will not learn it from science either, it seems.

right.

no point brooding over it i suppose. many other things to think about, to settle, to meet deadlines than to care about what doesn't care.

tomorrow is meeting with amanda, yt, and people i haven't seen in a long long time. can't wait! :)

2009-07-12T16:21:00.002+08:00

i wish i have a crystal ball to see the future.

2009-07-08T17:29:00.002+08:00

disappointment. not totally unexpected. but no excuses either.

time to start work on prelims.

i tire of expectations. is there anything wrong in expecting and desiring less?

2009-07-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
HOHOHOHOHOHOHO
WHEE WHEEE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
yet another one is over!

i think i get a little too hyped up over a mild issue, the completion of jcts. given that there really isn't much time left to the prelims and the Big One. but this one was tough, with 2 weeks to mug it all off and inability to retain that colossal amount of info in such a short time frame. oh well, now again instead of webbing reading and piano-ing with a tinge of guilt, we can all proceed freely with all our hearts and minds and souls hehe :)

now for an anticlimatic update on papers
gp: as usual. i didn't think one whit about gp until 10pm the night before, when i read the sci and tech package till i fell asleep. don't expect an enormous variance, unless murphy's law works and whatever you least expect and least desire will happen.
bio: stupid essay qn on neurotransmitter acetylcholine which i spent half my life memorising, and forgetting it all in exam. and who on this earth would do so for the social, ethical and legal issues of gene therapy??? not in the bio context, for sure. i used that info for gp.
geog: ho. finished on time. hmm. haah. hmmmmmm.
chem: darn the organic chem which i mugged but as usual forgot. [i wanted to put that in caps but reconsidered lest people attain the impression that i'm an all-too-passionate mugger]
maths: THAT DARN 4 MARKS.

alright back to real life.

today was a real great day :) after maths was movie at cathay, ice age 3, which certainly makes a lot more sense that LOTL. bought garfield2 at 10 bucks, i'm going to laugh myself to death tomorrow over it so that i won't have to take As no more. man. this is life. the real one.

maths qn 13
null hypothesis: i will return to passionate mugging the dreaded doomsday when we return to school on wednesday.
alternative hypothesis: i will not.
zcal lies in critical region, hence reject H0
conclusion: there is sufficient evidence at a% level of significance to conclude that i will not return to passionate mugging on wednesday.
:)

i better.

anyway, now i think i must learn to ignore and put it totally out of my mind each time it happens. instead of getting angry and affected because if it happens during the crucial period i will just explode. i guess its true about the wolf story, cry wolf too much and if it really happens, too bad. i do wonder what her aim is. a real concern or another hoax? tired.

2009-06-22T23:04:00.002+08:00

frustrated.

2009-06-21T00:34:00.002+08:00

i wish i wasn't so distracted over things that are long over. if it could be put all behind and forgotten. but reality hits, nothing changes facts.

2009-06-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think this is the least hardworking exam preparation i have ever done.

not that i don't study, i'm spending my days out in the library/cafes with fellow muggers and trying to accomplish my target for the day. unfortunately, i suppose because of h3 and the first 2 weeks of hols taken away, i am now unable to finish the jct syllabus on time. this should have caused me to panic long ago, to lose sleep and appetite. but i guess i'm forcing myself to keep sane by being in the presence of other sane people.

today after another esplanade library mugging session, we headed for the machine that you can pick up toys from and spent a long time there. with infinite times of "last try, last try". efforts sort of paid off, with each of us bringing home a nice wawa like little kiddies.

i <3 the fun times :)

2009-06-08T17:47:00.002+08:00

pH=-lg[H+]
7.40=-lg[H+]
[H+]=10^-7.40=3.98x10^-8 mol dm-3
[H+][OH-]=10^-14
[OH-]=2.51x10^-7 mol dm-3

Kc[H20] = Kw = [H+][OH-] = 10^-14 at 298K
Kw increases with temperature
rxn is endothermic
...
...
...
...
...

SAVE ME FROM THE EVILS FROM IONIC EQUILLIBRIA

this is madness. i forgot about first aid course for 3 days this week, and there's the psychometric test today. this means that i have about 2 weeks to study the full content of the jcts because i haven't started yet. 2 weeks! TWO WEEKS.

ahhh the cost of taking h3 now takes its toll 5 days after its completion. the results of the jcts are erm, insignificant, they said?

these few days, i've finally drawn inspiration to practice moonlight sonata by beethoven seriously, more than a year after my ex piano teacher gave me the score :) unfortunately i can't do it without feeling guilty that i ought to be doing, you know, something else.

mazarin proj:
exposure to the side of the society rarely seen by us, the sheltered and the blessed. i wonder what those children will do in the future, if their childhood will have a significant impact on their adult lives. for them, it is double the effort and will required to rise to the same level as the rest, who have been blessed with the best possible circumstances in which to realise his or her goals. or for those who were denied the chance to even contemplate the future.

2009-06-03T21:26:00.002+08:00

ITS OVER
OVER OVER OVER

OVER

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

i estimate a 0.5 probability of a pass and 0.5 fail. the other 2, forget it.
BUT ITS STILL OVER HAHAHAHA.

mazarin project started off today, going for it tomorrow and friday. this means i missed all lectures and lessons this week, since i ponned monday, tues and this morning all for my h3 child. will have a hell lot to catch up next week when the high-ness of the sudden lack of h3 and mazarin proj dies down. then the ultramarathon for jcts, the h2s and h1s.

i think i said something about never complaining about h2 stuff again after h3.. i hope no one remembers hehe

anyway, update on life last week: ponned a real lesson for the first time last week to mug, cause i was so desperate for time. won't do it again, promise!
on wed met my sec2 and sec3-4 science teachers in school during contact time which i erm, ponned, and i am amazed that they still remember me when i took about 5 min to remember their names. gosh.

ah the feeling of s l a c k i n g f r e e l y is certainly very different from those moments stolen from work time which are racked with guilt.

-banishes all thoughts of looming jcts from mind-

2009-05-26T23:22:00.002+08:00

h3 bio exam coming soon, i don't think i'll be able to finish the syllabus on time. really hope to pass after all the effort and sacrifices put in. right now i have little idea on what some of the stuff is all about - phylogeny, dna structures, translocation into ER etc etc. terrifying to enter an a level graded exam this way.

2009-05-14T22:58:00.002+08:00

i just watched the 4e3 graduating ceremony video that kimberly tagged us on facebook. a thousand memories, both sweet and painful. couldn't help laughing throughout the whole thing, yet with a kind of sadness that it was in the past. it's been 2 years since we were last immersed in the tk life, stressing over the O's, having conflicts here and there which, by some miracle, all cleared up eventually. perhaps we are becoming more distant day by day, an inevitable result, but those years, despite the hell, were the richest points in friendships for me, and whatever happened did not take that away. it might have been a short time frame in which our lives overlapped, but the impact will be livelong.

i think its amazing.

on a lighter note, i couldn't help comparing tjc's detentions with tkgs'. i guess tkgs was thinking on the more practical side when errant students were made to scrub and clean instead of sitting stone still for 2 hours straight. come to think of it, i still owe tkgs quite a number of detention hours..

what would life be like if we didn't have memories?

2009-05-14T20:54:00.002+08:00

ouch man. that was a big disappointment.

one after another, never ending.

2009-05-12T17:46:00.002+08:00

stress.

is something i gotta deal with, whether i like it or not.

and alone too, it seems.

2009-05-04T17:27:00.003+08:00

first of all, geog KL-kuantan trip:

real glad i could go in the end, no more stupid things holding me back! the limestone caves, waterfall, coasts, rocks, and (hehe) food made it all worth it. much of the climbing and scrambling were pretty scary and its amazing i managed to pass thru it all relatively unscathed :) the highlight of the trip must have been bat poo, which covered the floor of the cave and stuck to our shows for the next 4 days. learnt a bit more about geog and it doesn't seem too distant now, at least i now know what a weathering rind looks like. we stayed in quite posh places and every meal was either buffet or some seven-course thing. nice experience :)

this week is gonna be a busy time. bio spa, chem spa, geog essay (i think), maths chem bio tutorials, h3 revision, etc etc etc. plus detention on tuesday cos we ponned contact time -_-" i hope he does not suck our blood dry.

mugging!

2009-04-27T22:28:00.002+08:00

time to put things in perspective.

my fear has come true. a global flu pandemic IS on its way. a realisation that things can get worse no matter how low they appear already. i wonder the impact it will have on us - another SARS and a handful of days off school? or something worse? is this a signal from one higher up? or are we again going to get through it alive as in 2003, breathe a sigh a relief, then continue with the rat race - to wait for another economic downturn or pandemic to realise what we should have long ago, that what used to matter the most are mere trivalities. i pray that the disruption is minimal, that this be a passing outbreak that will settle itself before moving across the continents. but its something i cannot control, and if its meant to be, it will be.

many things to be thankful for before they are taken away.

i am afraid, and somehow i seem to be the only one. perhaps i am truly mad.

2009-04-24T23:46:00.002+08:00

i fell asleep right in the midst of doing an essay in class today, after writing only 1 page absolutely pathetic quality. i wonder how am i gonna explain it?

amazing how some can stay fully functional after 2 hours of sleep every night. any gene that accounts for extremly low sleep requirement? i want it.

2009-04-17T23:42:00.002+08:00

today's h3 bio lecture was interesting, the later part at least.

"we must learn to enjoy life. this (work) is just one part of life, not all of it."
prof ravi

makes sense huh?
(i wonder what would he do if he finds he's been quoted)

today's GP qn was interesting too:
"Blogging is merely idle chatter and self-indulgence"

well then that makes me a narcissist, according to what we discussed in class :)

its a rare period now when i can take a breather and not be overwhelmed by 1001 tasks to complete, with mcts and first aid photoquiz well behind. it isn't likely to last long, but i guess i can simply savour the moment and enjoy the feeling of doing tutorials without pressure. amazing :)

2009-04-15T22:05:00.002+08:00

i'm really glad for PW results, and the fact that we lived through it relatively smoothly. thank you soon hui, yuan teng, vanessa and ll for the experience and end result :) it's something i certainly could not have done on my own.

2009-04-07T20:25:00.002+08:00

mind clearing post

physically fatigued everyday, not sure if its due to mental stress. not been in top form ever since the cold 2 weeks before mcts, which means its been about a month now. i'm waiting for my energy and appetite to return, so i can get back to the routine i'm used to. fell asleep the minute i got home today, and i hate sleeping in the afternoons - a waste of time that can be used for the thousand other things life offers.

i'm aware of what many think - that a complete break for 1/2 days would enable me to return to the always-on-the-go life that it seems we're all accustomed to. but i've barely worked the week after mcts because of utter exhaustion, and i cannot go on this way indefinitely. but the session of mad laughter with alvie aly and laura did help a great deal :)

at present, school by some strange way it keeps me sane and drives me crazy at the same time. i need it to remind myself that the world still exists, that there are many issues out there to be settled, that life goes on despite everything. yet the exhaustion gets to me sometimes and it suddenly becomes the bane of my life. i guess it all boils down to the matter of coping with the stress and resilience. to keep floating amidst the tutorials, ccas,competitions, projects, fieldtrips, etc etc.

still, many things to look forward to in the long term. its what keeps me going although it is so damn hard

thank you everyone who've helped so much along the way :)

2009-03-26T12:12:00.001+08:00

i feel like a moron.
i feel like a loser.

2009-03-18T21:43:00.002+08:00

i do realise i'm getting more explosive nowadays, judging from past posts including the one five minutes ago. and people who have mugged with me before must have been amazed at the heights of irritation and agitation i go to when tutorials don't go smoothly.

stress.

2009-03-18T21:31:00.002+08:00

I AM SO DAMN ANGRY BECAUSE THEY DON'T F**KING UNDERSTAND HOW F**KING HEAVY JC WORKLOAD CAN BE WITH H3 EVERY SINGLE DAY AND MARCH COMMON TEST NEXT WEEK, EVEN THOUGH ITS HIGHLY BEARABLE IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES BUT IT IS BLOODY EFFING HELL WHEN YOU DON'T GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED, BOTH LOGISTICAL AND EMOTIONAL

2009-03-08T18:35:00.002+08:00

chinese A level results on fri were a disappointment, and a tarnish in the overall cert. sure, been fearing very much really for the U grade, which has serious repercussions, but i guess i also hoped to beat my own grades from the past hence the disappointment. no reason for it though, i haven't gotten worse than i ever did, only mantained the promos grade. how strange then that i can still feel this way, or is it simply because i am never satisfied with what i can achieve?

been reading up on university entry requirements, career tracks, scholarships and such, as is the obsession now. somehow i wish i can be done with studying and be guaranteed a stable job and income. i'm not too sure if the path i want to follow is really the one suited for me, and there doesn't seem to be any source of advice or encouragement. do i continue aiming for it, because if there isn't a goal to reach for there doesn't seem to be an purpose to studying? or study simply for those grades for the short term satisfaction.

on another note, i'm terribly tired and fatigued from this cold.. but i think grapefruit is a miracle cure.

2009-02-20T22:29:00.002+08:00

several highly intelligent ideas (worth spreading) that arose from inspiration from application syllabus, H3 bio, and a crowded mrt train:

1. alter the human genome to incorporate retractable horns, so that we can butt our way through a crowded train to exit when people refuse to give way.

horns will eject with the push of a button on the head.

there will be less space for the human brain, but of course we are going to replace it with thumb drives - more space efficient.

2. insert a gene from a retractable hook on top of the head too, and bamboo poles on train roofs, so that we may hang ourselves when on board. this can save a significant amount of space, increasing train capacity.

to minimise swinging when train jerks, velcro straps may be used between the feet and train floor.

3. magnetise the human body, as well as the train, in such a way that magnetic repulsive forces on either side will keep the commuter upright without the need to hold on to a pole.

4. the gene from the frozen frog would be useful too. "i didn't do my tutorial because i accidentally got frozen yesterday when mommy opened the fridge door."

in Andrea Nonsensical County, it will now be mandatory for everyone to be shot at by a gene gun to insert the genes mentioned above. thank you.

yes, we actually thought and talked about this on the way back in the train from H3 bio.

2009-02-20T22:16:00.002+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
DAMNBLOODYHELLYEFFINGPUKINGASSING

STOP IT

i am seriously pissed.

2009-02-06T21:43:00.002+08:00

its friday night which is the time i usually don't study (effing tutors, we are human too), but tonight i gotta review just now's bio h3 lec and tut, because i won't even be able to finish h2 work over this weekend, plus bio test next week too.

oh whatever.

at geog lesson today we saw a documentary from bbc about planet earth. it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. such a pity its so inacessible from where we are - singaporean concrete jungle. when i realise how beautiful the world still is in some regions it makes me happy and ten times less despondent from all the media coverage of depressing events. reminds me that the natural world of sense and order still exists amidst the current madness and rat race.

and on the practical side, it brings A level geography to life :) certainly don't regret taking it even though it seems a little useless for the practical future, in this time when economics, money, and recession budget seems to be all that matters.

tired now - physically and emotionally. glad for school as it allows me to forget what's going on someplace else. frustrated and irritated, yet strangely still care. shouldn't let myself be affected adversely because this is not the case where the burden gets lighter after sharing. frustrated with the contradictory acts and not knowing what to do. then again, i, and anyone else, can't do much unless the step to help herself is taken, which is not likely to happen anytime soon.

ok, problem will now be put aside because thinking and being peeved over it aint gonna help.

this week i learnt through very subtle hints that talk about certain things had gone on. and through it, i learnt that to bring up rumours and gossip, however true they are, however assholic the subject is, serves only to hurt. if there is one person i am hating right now, its the one who did it. and if karma or retribution applies, as i'm informed by an anonymous tag some weeks ago, it will only return back. period.
perhaps you can use language in a more effective way to counter any arguments, or will never spot your errors, or remember wrongs done to you for life. but through the years i've lost any respect for you, and at present much of your thoughts have become more childish and imbecile. while we've grown and moved forward despite everything, and left the past behind, where are you still?

anyway,

quizzy from toot's blog! (i think there are some really strange questions)

1.Besides your lips , where is your favourite spot to get kissed? yuck.
2: How do you feel when you woke up this morning?SLEEPY.SLEEP SLEEP SLEEEEEP!
3: Who was the last person you took a photo with? that must have been centuries ago, but i think it was with my little 7 year old cousin
4: Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? no. but i think i've had a pretty good life :)
5: Would you ever donate blood? yes, but i'll refuse to look at the needle because its unbelievably huge when its about to be inserted into you.
6: Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? maybe.
7: Do you want someone dead? no.
8:What does your last text message say? some description about a movie. good stuff coming out now hehe
9:What are you thinking of right now? not doing my lecture review tonight. (terrible me)
10: Do you wish someone was with you right now? solitude is precious :)
11: What time did you go to sleep last night? 1am, spending all the time printing notes.
12: Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now ? passed down from someone from gramma's place. and chij katong primary shorts :) (i can still wear it haha!)
13: Is someone on your mind right now? not particularly
14: Who was the last person to text you? soon hui to inform that stuff we did this week is on the class blog

1.) Are you single - duh
2.) Are you happy - i try to be! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! :)
3.) Are you bored - NO. (if anyone says they're bored i'll punch their eyes out. freaking busy!)
4.) Are you fair - fair?in the sense of equality? i try to be :)
5) Are you Italian - no, duh
6.) Are you intelligent - intelligently stupid
7.) Are you honest - if i'm honest i'd say yes. but i'm not, so the previous was a lie. but since i'm not honest that was a lie too :)
8.) Are you nice - not when i'm tired, sleepy and grouchy. keep away then!
9) Are you Irish - stupid qn
10) Are you Asian - stupid qn

TEN FACTS
1.) Full Name - andrea beep beep beep (censored)
2.) Nicknames - drea. guai gua. boonsi.
3.) Birth place - mt alvernia hospital
4.) Hair colour - blackkkk
5.) Natural hair style - like a mop newly bought from giant
6.) Eye color - black and white
7.) Birthday - beep.
8) Mood - reflective. mildly angry. moderately happy. highly guilty because i'm spose to be doing lecture review.
9.) Favorite color - green, not too bright, not too dark, and not too tj-ish. sky blue. white. orange (esp with green, nice highlighter match)
10.) One place you'd love to visit - everywhere!

there's some more but i'm beginning to feel like i'm wasting time thinking of intelligently stupid answers. gonna go surf talkingcock, wikipedia, and howstuffworks now.

2009-01-29T23:04:00.003+08:00

post-CNY period - seems a little difficult to get back to real life, all the mugging and lectures! i spent today and yesterday in school paying about 1% attention to lessons and most of the time waiting for the bell to ring. then after school i spend it going through the lecture again because if i don't i will die seriously if work piles up. this is ultra inefficient. must wake up for lectures!

they gave us the list of topics to mug for MCTs today, which made me so infuriated cos i've been revising all the non tested topics. GROWL. what a colossal waste of time.

the organisers of the Youth Mugging Olympic Championships YMOC are gonna laugh at me, i know :)

meeting for OCIP today. really wish i could go for the trip, missed the chance last year. but i think i better be glad cos not going for this means something else thats pretty worth while too :)

hope it works out.

CNY

spent back at maternal grandma's place. went with my uncle and his family, which was fun because my uncle drives like a maniac, esp on 2 lane malaysian roads where overtaking is a must. was observing the speedometer and i think the max he went was 150 to 160. the funnest parts was the dips and rises which gives you a funny feeling in your tummy. my cousins were freaked out, all except me probably because i refused to think of the possible implications of maniac driving. bad!

it was boring at gramma's place for the first time in my life because now i can't lower myself to play with soil with them anymore, however much i want to, cause they will give me those highly disapproving looks and remarks. always had a crazy time over there with the strangest of ideas. once i spent the whole day digging a hole to see how far i could go, managed to reach some groundwater. it was quite an impressive hole but unfortunately all my work and cousins's assistance came to naught when this boy proceeded to fill the hole with water so we could all bathe thigh deep in the soil :)

how sad, that the days of sand and soil and makeshift cutlery masak-masak are gone now. and those of collecting warm chicken eggs and chasing hens. or those of burning old papers just for the sake of seeing fire. or those of throwing those pop-pop things on the floor, or those of digging strange deep holes and being irritated by mosquitoes.

just because i'm too old.

instead of usual childhood stuff i got whacked hard with a fan by 4 year old yixun because he wanted to sit on the rolling chair i was on but refused to get my butt off. was so angry that i chased him outof the room, enough for him to go to another jie jie to complain that this jie jie bully him. ?!?!!

am too lazy to post the photos up, school tomorrow!

2009-01-19T20:31:00.002+08:00

today i wondered, how come an action or trait that just happens to be uncommon automatically becomes a disorder, a freak of nature?

labels. convince the majority that they are normal.

and who is, i wonder?

2009-01-19T20:24:00.002+08:00

besides learning to live in the present, i must stop cursing.

today at PE i said the word i picked up over the hols from a certain incident, and absolutely stunned debbie who gave me the amazed look for about 5 minutes afterwards.

i must stop cursing.

2009-01-16T17:19:00.002+08:00

lessons have officially started for 3 days.

if i could, i would fast forward time to see what's going to go on when i'm 30, 40, 50, then if i don't like it i'll switch back to 17. when i'm in lesson i think about fast-forwarding it so that it hurries to the question that i want to go through, when i'm mugging i want to fast forward so that info gets in quickly, when i'm walking home from school thinking about everything under the sun i want to fast forward 20 years down.

fastforwardfastforwardfastforward!!!

i need to learn to live in the present.

2009-01-11T10:10:00.002+08:00

today is the last day of the hols :(

this week was mainly occupied with mazarin workshop. came back on thurs evening, and unfortunately wasted a meant-to-be productive friday by sleeping till 10. GRRRRR.

i can't wait for this AY to be over!!

2008-12-26T11:51:00.002+08:00

life has been mundane and stable the past week. i feel so empty after the mad rush of internship slotted with band practice, camp, and fiesta. now without anything besides homework to occupy my time i feel strangely uneasy. although it's not been terribly boring because of outings with friends etc. but i just need 1 week of staying at home doing nothing but homework and housework to drive me nuts. perhaps i should erase the career prospect of being a homemaker.

i can't wait to finish JC and A levels asap. can't wait to get to uni to get a degree, then get out to work, then retire and be an old woman sitting by the window, reflecting on my life and all its regrets.

but before that, i need to finish that carboxylic acids tutorial.

2008-12-17T19:43:00.002+08:00

internship ended last week. overall it was a great experience though it made me feel weird jostling with the morning and evening working adult crowd on the train, in working clothes and the shortest heels i could find. somehow, it also made me feel tired to think of school, where we arrive at 720am, instead of 830 and work ends at 1am (regardless of venue), instead of 630pm. oh the real working experience probably isn't going to be such a breeze, but in the misdt of this expletive-inducing jc life i sometimes think anywhere else - work, uni, sec sch - would be a vacation.

the experience also had me figuring that 17 ain't that old yet :) i better appreciate my time as a 17 before i regret not doing so when i'm a 30.

i fell mildly sick on sat, severely sick on sun, and embarrassingly sick on mon. sun was terrible headache and had difficulty making it from band room to canteen for hot water, yet managed to tread on a live crawling snail on the way and got snail juice over my shoe. couldn't rehearse with the rest but at least gained sufficient energy to perform in fiesta, though not enough to enable me to play all i'm supposed to. at least had the experience of performing again. i think the thing about band is making music that can't be done on your own, not like piano. so when it sounds great, it feels great :)

and monday, well simply put, it was a wrong time and place to be sick, but well, there is never a right time for that. i can't imagine if the same thing happened in class cip, where i was supposed to be but had something on. entertainment for the kids? still felt like crap yesterday, so didn't go for cip also for fear the same thing (or worse) would happen, and it would be the perfect example of 越帮越忙.

regarding holiday homework, the H2s and geog are done but its equivalent to half-done because i can't do more than half the questions anyway. i feel myself becoming very very rusty and i'm going to have a hell of a time when school starts if i don't oil my engines. when i recover and can stay awake (alive) for more than 7 hours i really need to do a mad rush to cover what i've missed in postpromos period.
i just saw the timetable for next year (its out), and i realise that i MUST MAKE IT FOR CHINESE OR ELSE I WILL DIE NEXT YEAR.

2008-12-01T22:49:00.003+08:00

sometimes, in fact many times i wonder if you give a damn as much as i do. each time you start up with that particular line i just feel so tired and want to tell you to think about others for once. yes maybe your life circumstance ain't the perfect one but whose ever is? we all have our share of pain and crap moments in life but we still press on. we don't feel that our lives are in utter shambles over trivial issues like an irresponsible group mate. i'm afraid i don't have infinite patience, especially when i never know if you are telling the truth regarding all those illnesses, and especially when i know that no matter how much i try, its not gonna help because you don't make a single bloody attempt to help yourself. the same problem is going to crop up over and over again for the rest of your life even if at every event i'm there (or anyone for that matter) to listen and comfort. maybe i am the one who's an ass, i don't know. all i know is, i'm disappointed. am i being incredibly naive to actually expect something from you? probably. where are the things that truly matter? but in the end i'm in the wrong, i'm always in the wrong, because you can never see where you've hurt others, and thus you keep asking yourself is there a need for others to be so harsh to you.

i want to continue telling you to be strong and press on, but its difficult because you don't seem to want to even try, you seem to seek meaning out of life through the depressing moments. after months of nightly listening, trying to advice, trying to be always there, i feel like giving up totally because in the end its all up to you, whether YOU want to be happy. or if perhaps life only has meaning when you sit in the dark and cry with self-pity, then i will have to step back because i've come so far from where i was and i cannot afford to be sucked back in again. perhaps, if you sense i'm withdrawing, you will understand why.

i just hope, since you're 18, that you have the emotional maturity to love yourself enough not to do anything harmful.

should i continue to sacrifice for someone who doesn't seem to give a damn?

2008-11-30T18:04:00.005+08:00

the candy house at T3! we could go in an fill a tub with candy for free but they were all cheap fruit plus hehe

me and all the presents form various people :)

the cake swensons gives for free to bday ppl

me and my cousin!

those are the photos we took when all of us went to swensons for dinner at airport yesterday =)) salad buffet!

had a good time turning 17 yesterday. oh dear i'm turning old...

2008-11-25T21:28:00.002+08:00

internship started yesterday - means if i considered myself busy last week, i am probably going to be extraultrasuperdamnbloodyeffinglyBUSY for the next 3 weeks. and no i don't regret anything hehe :) though i do have a few goals to achieve before mid-dec, most importantly FINISH HOLIDAY HOMEWORK. i've started on H2's but don't even have an idea of what's for homework for H1's i.e. geog and GP. at least i know that for GP it's something like 6 or 8 or 10 essays which sounds absolutely terrifying. i would rather reside in the comforts of maths and chem.

yesterday i reached home and immediately konked out from 8 to 10pm, then completed assignment 2 maths before zzz-ing again. so if i'm an intelligent person, i should be doing my next task on the list (ie bio hol hw) now instead of typing nonsensical ramblings on blogger, so that i can sleep early and be at peak performance tomorrow. but, sigh, i guess if you are a fellow human, you can understand how strong the temptation to procrastinate can be, especially when it comes to hw. so here i am wasting precious time away with the following quiz obtained from jerm's bloggo:

Three names you go by:
-andrea
-drea
-tkg:bandrea tjc:guai gua

Three screen names that you have:
-drea
-drea
-drea

Three parts of your heritage:
-singapore
-chij, tkgs, tjc
-the rubbish dump

Three things that scare you:
-the unknown
-myself
-a global flu pandemic

Three of your everyday essentials:
- ez link
- cell phone
- watch because i have time-checking OCD
- good footwear to run away from bandits

Three things you're wearing now:
-class tee
-fbts
-WATCH

Three of your favourtie songs:
-its a small world =)))) (after all)
-iliketoMOVEITMOVEIT (its cute ok)
-anything Barney-ish when i'm really really down

Two truths and a lie told (in no order):
-i am a representative of an alien population from the next solar system, bent on stealing Earth as a new planet of residence
-i think.
-i think, that i think.

Three of your favourite hobbies:
-mugging
-skating! wheeeeeeeee =)
-reading a book in bed with the aircon on on friday nights, then drifting off to sleep dreaming about flying or travelling to strange foreign lands, and knowing i can wake up as late as i want the next morning.

Three things you really wanna do badly now:
-(see above)(cancel the mugging part)(for now)
-like, finish this quiz asap because i'm tired of typing

Three careers you're considering:
-research
-teaching
-erm, i don't know.

Three places you wanna go to for vacation:
-switzerland new zealand london philippines prague canada australia us arctic antarctic mount everest hawaii korea germany africa vietnam
-any place on earth that is available for vacation (I WANT TO TRAVEL)
-outer space

Three things you want to do before you die:
-say whatever i must to say to whoever so that i can go w/o regrets
-TRAVEL
-read the newspapers

Three things that make you stereotypically a boy:
-inability to understand the need for girls to doll up
-fascination with army/NS/warfare/how to be a good soldier
-ability to elicit sighs because of total ignorance of make-up, heels, dress sense and everything that erm, a woman needs to know

Three things that make you stereotypically a girl:
-i am not a tomboy, les, or gay. the fact that i am female makes me stereotypically a girl
-i dunno
-i dunno. maybe someone can tell me?
(anyway, i do have a very clear gender identity, so don't worry.)

Three people that you would like to see take this quiz too!:
-you
-you
-and you

2008-11-20T00:37:00.002+08:00

you have the oppurtunity to leave this hell hole. this strange place where certain things matter more than human relationships. happy for you.

i do wonder why you can go, while i'm bound by some unknown factor. i wish i didn't care and i'm free. but there are things i can't sacrifice and won't because its my future and its stupid to let present circumstances affect it.

now i realise how much i actually care. damn. to care to love to hope means pain in the future? but it's still worth it, for the present.

2008-11-13T17:28:00.002+08:00

busy busy time..so much for thinking that i would actually have time to study and study and study. after olympiad it was band, when there's no band there's some other meeting like first aid or class cip etc etc. anyway, i had a sudden realization recently that i better get down to work (seriously) or else i can prepare to die next year. did a major organization of notes and dug out probability, carboxylic acids, genetics. and shittt everything now seems damn difficult. my fault though for sleeping in lectures :(

i'm waiting for a day when i've got no band, sectionals, meetings, etc when i can figure out how to cook something decent so that i can stop eating instant noodles for lunch when alone at home and too lazy to go out and da bao. but i think i will probably have to spend it on figuring out mendelian genetics and completing that (insert expletive here) tutorial.

i see busier days ahead...gimme passion purpose and drive to zoom forward

2008-11-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

quite a busy week:
monday was OP, finally its over and PWs gone from our lives forever and ever. had a crazy time at some swimming complex at jurong with 105 and 107. slided on slides, shut eyes, went backwards, and emerged totally giddy after like the 4/5th slide. anyway, it was the ultimate funnest day :)
yesterday had the first band prac. i don't sound like a rat being murdered - i sound like a rat having a wheezing cold. i need practice, practice, practice...
bio olympiad today. 200 mcq qns, 99.999& of which i randomly picked the option which looked best on the omr sheet. the three postpromos horrors are over.

a few random facts of life right now:
-pretty high now because i can finally do something else w/o guilt over not studying for cheena/olympiad/pw (which is why i'm here blogging such a senseless post)
-discovery, nat geo, bbc, history channel, cnn are absolutely wonderful
-i got a facebook acc due to peer pressure
-laughter and smiles are important in certain situations
-strangely, i am tireder at 9am than 1am these days
-those stupid ants are still there!

2008-11-01T22:07:00.002+08:00

ANTS ANTS ANTS EVERYWHERE IN MY ROOM.

the moment i get into bed, these stinky things crawl all over me and start biting. got to pick then out one by one, squish them, and throw them out of the window. worst thing is, they really are stinky when i squish them, smells of some weird chemical, and am i the only one is the world who can smell squished ants??? i sleep every night with ants crawling all over me, and at any point in time there's some of those black things crawling all over the bedsheet.

actually, its my fault cause i always bring my milo/chocs/cookies in and eat them on my bed. i mustMUSTmust stop this habit. tomorrow will be the Battle of Andrea and the Ants day. need to remove bedsheet of ant carcasses and do a major wipe of the table to remove ant bits and food particles.

last pw meeting today. managed to overcome the swaying/fidgeting part so far for OP. it better remain so on monday. then i need to remember the eye contact and remind myself that our project is such an interesting thing that i absolutely have to tell Mr OP Assesor or i'll explode.

ok then. hope all goes well.

2008-10-26T21:08:00.002+08:00

the past few days have been dedicated to chinese and PW. thank goodness WR is done and officially submitted - it was painful going through hours on saturdays with all our faces fixed on the screen, reading ultra long microsoft word documents, editing formatting 19284218034234 times, trying to come up with innovative and insightful GIs. PW has achieved in making me detest those 2 words. but the final printed WR is still something i'm proud of, with the ridiculous curly haired mascot on every chapter (which nobody believes i drew). =D

and thank god for this pw group :) which helped to eliminate much of the negative impact of PW on its candidates.

i've been spending all my free periods on chinese mugging and neglecting every tutorial for all other subjects. when i see other chinese A level people with completed tutorials during lessons i feel like an ass. i guess i could have completed them too if i wanted, but i was so exhausted that the moment i get home i fall asleep. this is the first time i am so heck care about my work, and i don't like it. :(

another interview on wed. rejection time and again makes me tired, makes me sad, makes me wonder if i'm worth anything except studying.

anyway, i can't wait for chinese, OP and olympiad to be over, and i really hope i'll be able to play with tj band for fiesta. although i think when i pick up the clarinet i'm going to sound like a rat being murdered.

2008-10-14T18:53:00.002+08:00

eek. i'm turning into an ultra-pessimistic grumpy grouchy idiot who thinks everything is against me and nothing ever goes well.

and it's not the case

to people who care: i'm alright :) it was just ranting at life in general because in life there happens to be several points in time when many little things irritate/upset and together they make life seem pretty crappy

i guess, it just needs a little sorting out.

a little objective viewing

and a little bit of piano, run, read, sleep.

:)

2008-10-13T21:39:00.002+08:00

i must have been quite an ass last week. i think i was wrong. was i?

i hate the word scholarship
i hate dangling carrots that i can never grab
tired of worrying about my portfolio and interviews and jobs and uni courses

i wish i could just secure my future with a key

anyway, andrea must stop being down and depressed, although right now i am again disappointed because i can't seem to get anything that i try for. i'm grabbing at every oppurtunity, i try my best to get it, to be worthy of it, yet i can't get it. in the end, despite so many oppurtunities, it doesn't mean anything because it all comes to nothing.

i just want ONE THING, ONE BLOODY THING, out of the manymanymany things i try for to come true.

i want to be convinced that there isn't something weirdly wrong or jinxed with me

or if i'm totally worthless for nothing except studying

am i?

ah yes. just snap out of it and try again. damn easy.
it all boils down to proving my worth. my bloody worth.

2008-10-08T20:36:00.002+08:00

it's been hell. i wish someone would understand.

2008-10-07T21:11:00.002+08:00

today's been a bad day.

i feel like i don't have the energy to sit through any more lessons or post-mortem of exam scripts. i feel exhausted and totally worn-out from promos, and although i should not be this way, i still am. yes it's time to wake up, its time to listen, time to continue with the syllabus because otherwise we will suffer next year. i know that. i try. i try to pay attention in lessons, but in every single lesson i will somehow fall asleep. its a session of waiting for the bell to ring, time-wasting for myself. its wrong. but i try. i wish i could take a breath. maybe it's burnout, i really don't know.

strange.

today is a day of frustration. i wish i knew what i am taken as for sure. i wish that i can identify if i am taken as a real friend or as a good substitute who will be there when needed, and tossed aside when not. i don't know whether i have a right to be angry, or if i am too sensitive. i should not have lost my temper, yet i cannot keep taking hints that i may be a big fool, to be hurt sooner or later. i have made mistakes before, and i don't want to repeat it.

i am exhausted from i-don't-know-what and i feel like climbing into bed for a long long sleep. but i can't do that because i have a write-up to do now which is due tomorrow, and there is school too which i thought of skipping but can't either. i think perhaps i'm just like a little child - when i'm tired, i'll throw a temper tantrum, albeit on a smaller scale.

praying now for many things. firstly, peace of mind.

2008-10-01T11:24:00.002+08:00

activities since sat
sat: slacking at home doing nothing much but reading and practicing a new piece on piano. a relaxing time but oh dear so wasted.
sun: cleaning room - dusting and wiping, pulling out bedsheets and curtains to wash, plus disinfecting. it still reeks a little of hospital today.
mon: pw meeting in the morning, movies at big butt's house at night. back home by 11 totally exhausted. whole monday taken.
tues: bio olympiad training, back home by 5, followed by piano piano and piano.
wed(today) meeting big butt at ps for lunch, should be back home by 630 for online pw meeting. i feel so guilty for pw. i think i've done very little.
next 2 days: school. OP rehearsals.

i still haven't organized my notes. somehow i don't feel like facing them or maybe i'm just a big fat procrastinator. and i should be reading chinese a lot by now and not reader's digest. need to read bio olympiad notes and borrow texts. pw op. a lot to do.

this is such a redundant post.

2008-09-26T22:21:00.002+08:00

finally have the time to sit down and really blog and do senseless things like reading wikipedia.

its been a hell of a time. i've never been so stressed out in my life, and i guess its true what they say - that jc is a resilience training experience. well i've come out alive, as i thought i would despite feeling like crap in the midst of it. almost done with the first year, and the second year will fly (with more of such superduperuberstressed experiences), and we'll be done with it. now i am feeling a little strange, without mathsbiochemgeog notes in front of me, but am free to just relax and oh man stop worrying and fretting and planning the next day's work. strange how i'm so tired now i just want to sleep, instead doing what i usually do for fun i.e. piano/run/read.

i'm still glad its over, despite fear (or knowledge) that i won't meet my own expectations. whatever it is, i can truly say i've tried my best, accept whatever the grades are, and be thankful that it's not the final A levels. although it will really be quite a disappointment if i don't make it, with OBK, mazarin and many oppurtunities at stake. oh well, if its meant to be...

thank goodness for all my friends throughout this period. debbie, jermain, big butt, samuel. debbie for waking me up when i start in the cycle of worrying and senseless reasoning, jermain big butt and trievil for making me laugh even when i totally don't feel like laughing at my most stressed. please remember to bring your cosmetics for make-up lesson tomorrow. =)

and EM! the mysterious phenolphthalein in my contact list thank you for one thousand and one things and that card :)

tomorrow i am going to do my 4th/5th EoM draft and praypraypray its the final one, and attempt I&R although i have no idea what it is about. honestly i'm quite appalled at the idea that i'm not going to do any mathsbiochemgeog, but its time to brush up on my awful chinese whose ultra low standard equates me to an illiterate in cheena. and of course i need to re-file and re-organize all my notes, which this time i un-filed and un-organized in the spirit of the Ps.

2008-09-07T14:47:00.002+08:00

i had an awful dream last night.

the first promos paper was tomorrow and i mistakenly thought it was maths instead of bio. so i mugged maths the whole day and set off for school a few hours before the paper. in fact the paper was at 1140pm. (wth) when i reached there everyone was either playing psp or mugging. at 11pm i realised that the paper was bio and not maths. since i haven't touched a bit on prokaryotic genome, i panicked and ran around asking for prokaryotic notes but nobody had them. and then i couldn't find the exam venue and rushed here and there, calling people on the phone to ask them where was it. eventually i found it and reached there with 1min to spare. the invigilator asked me if i needed the toilet and i asked won't i be late if i used the toilet? the invig said DUH of course i will miss part pf the paper.

i must be going crazy.

besides now i wake up every morning with organic chem reactions on my mind and it makes me restless and unable to sleep properly.

goodness.

2008-09-03T19:01:00.002+08:00

very bad case of food poisoning/gastric flu yesterday. woke up and 1am and 4am to puke, and 6am cause i couldn't sleep with fever and nausea and anxiety for promos. felt so weak the rest of the day i could hardly get out of bed. my hands and feet got numb and i couldn't control them properly or type smses and i freaked out. they were also cold and i was thinking shit if my hands fall off how am i going to do promos??? i was desperate enough to go and see a doc to get medicine to stop the nausea cause i wanted to mug (i'm behind already lah). he made me breathe into a plastic bag for such a long time until my arms got tired of holding it to my mouth (and with difficulty also cause by that time i couldn't unclench my fists) AND IT GOT BETTER. the doc said it was because i vomited all the acid out, so pH balance was a little off, causing my hands to go tingly and numb. breathing into a plastic bag made me breathe in all my CO2 which is acidic and it balanced out the pH. when he explained it i was like WHOA.

yesterday i studied alkanes in bed until i fell asleep, then did a bit of the chinese e-learning topic(erm yes its my first time doing it) fell asleep again till 7, woke up to do functions (%$#%$!) till 12 and slept till 7 this morning, and woke up feeling 95% alright except for some weakness but who cares at least i'm not vomiting :):):):)

i spent the whole of today trying to find out the impact of Shell on Nigeria. oh dear.

2008-08-30T17:15:00.002+08:00

when i went back to tkgs on teacher's day, so many people said i've become more talkative and noisy. my sec4 chinese teacher thought i was a mute and told me so. she always looks amazed to hear me talk. i am talking alot more but i don't know why. could be because back there i know i'm remembered for some not very good reasons and i feel more restricted. i am happier and free-er here despite the 273642873648tonnes workload. i do think i've changed a lot though for the better or worse i'm not too sure.

and people said i look healthier (cause of all the weight i gained)

anyway, can anyone give me tuition on maths tutorial 26 (vol of revolution) and T28 (apps of differential eqns) ?

2008-08-27T19:53:00.004+08:00

been so frustrated at so many things. i'm friggin scared that i can't finish what i have to for promos. having alot of difficulty following my own schedule and falling asleep in class. mind has been sluggish. now i can't even catch up with tutorials and all the remedials and extra worksheets that everybody else seem to have no problem doing. there's whole chunks that i don't know nuts about. why do people assume that i'm always ahead of others in my revision?? why do people think that everything is easy like shit for me and that i will always score well?? because it is not and damnit i. am. not. ahead. and everything is NOT EASY FOR ME. i have as much difficulty as everyone else in completing tutorials in any subject. i wish you would stop saying that it's going to be damn easy for me because i am so smart i.e. don't need to study and all this crap because IT IS NOT TRUE.

2008-08-20T20:54:00.002+08:00

today was a really fun day =D

we had inline skating pe elective which at the beginning was torture under the hot sun, but in the evening we played games on skates which included quite a number of multiple collisions but it was fun. then the people in our cg played ice and water like little kiddies on skates. i abandoned my guards so now my knees are both bruised. we were the last to leave but it was a real get-high session and a time to throw away %^$#@! feelings from failed tests and tons of work. HEHE :)

anyway, this guy from the inline skating thing said
"eh you from tanjong katong is it?"
"yeah. tkgs. how you know?"
"whoa really ah?? cause your pattern very tkgs leh!"
"?!!!!????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

throught my jc life i've only heard people saying that i'm not like the typical tkgs/chij girl. so what exactly is this "tkgs pattern"? +ve or -ve?

now is mugging time and tonight is the "students its time to burn midnight oil" night cause of all the hours lost kee-siaoing on skates. but it was worth it :)

2008-08-18T22:00:00.002+08:00

right just came back from a long day mugging in school. we stayed till 8.30 when the school closed and i think the school looks better at night than in the day. they should include overnight mugging camps until after promos, then we can stay and mugmugmug for the whole night. =)

anyway i'm sick again with runny/blocked nose and abit of a cough. i think it would be worse if i didn't dump a whole load of this vit C efferversence tab into my body the moment i felt something not right. i'm having it pretty easy now although just now while studying my nose was so blocked i absolutely couldn't breathe in/out no matter how hard i tried. blocked nose can be amazing sometimes.

i must take more fruits and veggies and drink more water!
and stop falling sick like every month

2008-08-08T19:17:00.002+08:00

today i am going to make an effort to blog about my day instead about work.

easy to do that because it's nat day celebrations in school and no lessons. was out the whole day and now it's 730, and i haven't touched or thought anything about mathschembiogeoggpchinese for about 24 hours. right now i can just imagine the look of shock on tutors: promos are coming don't be complacent! after the celebrations jermain, shawn and i went to pp for lunch at pastamania (yet again for me hehe) before me and jerm headed down to esplanade library. i borrowed 2 books of scores so i won't have to keep playing ancient pieces and sonatas. only today i realised there are many many things about esplanade and suntec that exists that i never thought existed. i must have been buried in books for too long, knowing nothing beyond mathschembiogeoggpchinese. thank you tour guide :)

right i cannot tahan anymore i must blog about those ******* lecture tests!

i think it's the lack of sleep and ultra pressure of having 3 lecture tests in one week all requiring lots of work and memorising. couldn't fish out the info that i tried so hard to memorise, panicked during all 3, so its all done pretty badly. i'm quite prepared for "andrea what happened you never study issit???" from mister g**. worst part is peer's expectations (this is ridiculous), i hope no one will say anything before we get back those tests. but even if it happens never mind, cause i will say

SEE I CAN SCORE LIKE SHIT FOR LECTURE TESTS TOO K!
-courtesy of debbie-
:)

meantime, i need to continue to add oil for promos, so even if the worst happens i will know i tried :) , and trust that all will work out for the best. tomorrow is MUGmugmugmuging day till tkgs 4e3 class gathering =) (i don't care that it's my country's birthday that i assign as mugging day)

2008-08-04T01:06:00.001+08:00

MY GOD I READ ALL MY PREVIOUS POSTS AND I REALISE I HAVE NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT EXCEPT WORK

2008-08-03T23:57:00.002+08:00

there is such an absurd amount of stuff to complete that even if i work 24/7 with no meal breaks i can't finish it. i had to bring my notes for lunch, dinner and piano lesson. who came up with this fantastic idea of a 2 year jc curriculum PLUS PW?

my head suddenly switched off today when trying to memorise stuff. it won't go in anymore and i forgot all the other stuff i just learnt. 3 days to finish 1 chapter. 3 lecture tests next week in 2 days.

i think as kim says i really have no life but i don't mind it right now (not that i like it) as long as it pays off. though sometimes it doesn't despite working your brain cells to death. but well i can't expect it to be so easy can i? =) just let me learnt how to accept failure when it comes because i feel it very near.

2008-07-27T21:04:00.002+08:00

Quiz time! (:Name 20 facts about yourself, then tag 5 people to do this quiz. (tagged by jermain)
1) when i am stressed and angry over maths tutorials i stop doing it and blog and watch miss swan.
2) when i am stressed and angry over anything else except work i suddenly find maths tutorials a luxury.
3) i attended pasir ris pap kindergarten and i hated it cause their marcoroni made me vomit
4) i love canned tuna with mayo and chocs, but not both together.
5) i am having greater and greater difficulty getting up in the morning at 6, and i'm developing immunity to alarm clocks.
6) i used to be in band and played clarinet and eflat clari for a short while but now i am not in band and i miss my clari.
7) i still remember both my bflat and eflat's serial number hehe =)
8) i just found out how to integrate tan sq x.really!
9) i get really upset when i can't do question after question. then i worry. then i get desperate. then i start thinking absolutely negatively which is very very bad :(
10) i must overcome number 9)
11) just completed my gr8 piano prac exam 2 days ago, and i'm not continuing with piano lessons until who-knows-when (maybe never), but i can't resist the piano still when i walk by it.
12) when i'm old(er) i wanna have a family.
13) i ask google for everything under the sun...limestone landforms to how to integrate sine inverse.
14) i need everything very organised. i have 2 files for each subject (the first file is exploding), each with dividers, seperated into lecture notes, tutorials, spas, exams and tests. if it is not organised chronologically and nicely i get mentally very itchy.
15) but although all previous work is nicely sitting in their correct positions my present work (those i bring to school) is all shoved into one plastic file quite unorganisically, so i spend more time finding my tutorials in class than actually going through them. then when i am in a hurry i just stuff the papers directly into the bag, so the next day i take even longer to find my stuff. i really need to do something about this. anyone has any ideas?
16) when i'm at the piano and i cant think of anymore pieces to play i start playing arpeggios and perfect cadences and think about how nice it sounds :)
17) i used to have a cat called Leo. he was nice and orange. i treated him too well so he decided the whole world was his. he came snuggling up right next to me one night cause it was cold. and the next night..and next. he's so secure he sleeps upside down outside the house, showing off his fat tummy to everyone.
18) i used to be realllyyyy scared of dentists, but after braces and seeing one every month i've gotten over it. hehe :)
19) I do not treat my GC as my god
20) i was supposed to be studying!
5 ppl to do this
1) i will not torture people. this is purely voluntary :)

2008-07-27T16:46:00.002+08:00

Elearning week is finally over. its quite a nice idea in the sense that you can go at your own pace for maths lectures but my god they give a. lot. of. work. so there is actually no way i can go at my own pace which is like 0.01cm/hour cause if i do i will never finish my work. but i did anyway and now i cant finish GP. in fact i didnt do it at all so maybe i will get murdered tomorrow, i don't know. neither did i do chinese (at all). chemistry was torture cause i never took physics in my life and PV=nRT is about as alien to me as a cockroach's anatomy. i could understand maths perfectly fine but when i tried to do any definite integral question it was wrong wrong wrong 3 times, and continued to be wrong the fiftieth time, and now i am blogging because out of 12 questions in tutorial 24 i have got 3 correct, and if i continue i think my tutorial will turn to shreds just like recurrence relations.

2008-07-20T16:55:00.002+08:00

after reading the comments on my progress report i'm wondering if there is something wrong with me and my brain function. i'm not gonna put it on here cos its not very flattering.

2008-07-16T00:40:00.002+08:00

arrr so frigging busy these few days and sleeping at unearthly hours. getting home by 11pm sleeping by 2. gotta be in school at 7am tomorrow for pw meeting and right now its gonna be 1am soon. sleep deprived -__- but alamak who isnt.

BUT NEXT WEEK IS E-LEARNING WEEK AND I AM GOING ON A MAJOR SLEEP DEBT REPAYMENT YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

ps i did my mclaurin's tutorial and the answers came out like ONE HUNDRED PERCENT wrong for all questions so i gotta redo =(((

ps and i have recovered wheeeee!

2008-07-08T19:36:00.002+08:00

sick yet again. everything that goes in my mouth comes out the same way. when will i stop being sick every few weeks.
when will we stop living in this pig sty.
when will we stop facing shit always to do with $ from them.

i should just go to sleep.

2008-07-01T20:19:00.002+08:00

jcts were over for 1 day before i realised that work is piling up at the rate of a catalysed nuclear reaction. was out whole day last sat watching movies at vivo/playing at sentosa and enjoying like siao. told myself i would pack and refile all the notes i dumped on the floor in the spirit of jct on sunday but ended up waking at 12.

gotten back many papers already (friggin fast man) and i did ok so far. source of comfort cos i have no idea why im feeling blue-ish since mon. school reopen blues i guess. jc sucks and sometimes its not due to work. am so glad its only 2 years before i can zao.

but thank god for other things that help make jc alot more bearable :)

2008-06-18T13:16:00.002+08:00

just had to fall sick now when its the last week before doom and i need full concentration and time studying. now gotta spend it resting and sleeping and studying is so interuppted cos gotta take medicine, drink water, go toilet, take temperature etc etc. i guess this is why the past few days before it got full blown i couldnt concentrate properly already. thought it was stomach flu at first cos of nausea but its been going off and on. if its stomach flu i can just go and die cos as far as i know i wont be able to take jcts definitely. been falling sick so often this year and i have absolutely no idea why.

grrrrrr.

2008-06-16T12:13:00.002+08:00

after adventures in malaysia with cousins (yes ive got a whole multitude of cousins), i've gotten TWO DAYS behind the schedule i created for myself. so this being the last week, its gonna be a supersprint before the end. and i'm friggin scared i wont make my own expectations since without any leadership thingy and being in 2 not-very-active cca's i'm depending very very heavily on results and thats why even though i might be always relatively ahead in tutorials it is not enough. never ever enough hohoho.

tkgssb concert_
made me miss my clarinet :(
but i <33333>

time to study!!!!

2008-06-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

ive just got my retainers and i'm talking real funny so i shall type exactly the way i talk.

fird dweek of hols and i've beend goink oud edvryday and nod sdayink ad home and stugyink like i shud be doink. bud ad leass i've god my midnimum level ofd work done..the level thad wud endable me to finisth all the topiks ofd all the shubchacks by end ofd dweek four.

if you couldnt get that, you probably wouldnt be able to get my talking too. hohoho. more like dalkink.

so frigging tired. want sleep. but there's inequalities tutorial 12 to go thru first. -___-"

2008-06-09T21:53:00.002+08:00

i am feeling so harassed now. got 4 windows open (computer windows), 1 msn convo on Pee Dablew which goes off every 2 milliseconds. and i'm trying to study cytokinesis in plant cells at the same time. been on that page for the past 2 hours. so it isnt very intelligent to blog now :(

rawwrr im sick of pw. emailed gpp over but no reply for so many days so dont even know if it is approved, which i doubt it will be cause i'm such a loser over INNOVATIVE IDEAS and F and M. seems i can start saying hello to C/D/E/F grade for pw.

i wish i am a Golgi vesicle.

2008-06-05T15:47:00.002+08:00

i told that 6 year old to not disturb me cause ive got a mountain of work to finish, and she said NOOO you got sooo little worrkkkkk...my homework goes allll the wayyyy to the skyyy...even further than that u know...not like you..only a few papers blahblah blah blah...

she's so irritating!!

2008-06-04T10:17:00.002+08:00

i realise, its really some feat to study and babysit a 6 year old at the same time.

just as i settle down to learn plate tectonics, she goes JIE JIE come and see!! and i have to get my butt off to see some wonderful soft toy "talking" to another. mm yes nice i will say.

2min later, she asks JIE JIE what is this? what is that? what is it doing here? how come this pen got no ink? how come you must study? why you type so fast? why why whatwhathowhowwherewhere.....

and 2 minutes later. JIE JIE where are youuuuuu??? and i will be like WHARRTT?!! then she comes and tell me to set her some homework like 21+5. so i stop my work and do it to keep her quiet for 3minutes, but she takes one look at the qns and says "how come you always gimme this kind of sums???" and i yell at her to finish it and talk later.

ok yell is an exxageration.

after finishing ONE SUM out of the 10 i set, she pokes me with her pencil and asks JIE JIE is this correct?? she does that after every qn.

after finishing her sums and me trying valiantly to memorise plate tect, she talks.

"you know in school there is this group of people who go to school and play only and take home their work to give mummy and papa to do, but me, i do my work in school. titcher say finish one page, i do the whole book leh. you know arh, i looovve doing homework the most. i love homework you know.."

"mm mm yes yes i know..."

right now she's right beside me, telling me how much she loves homework. again.

goodness, i dedicated 1 whole post to her.

2008-05-31T17:33:00.003+08:00

I CANT BELIEVE THIS.
the student's portal said i was ABSENT 5 times and i swear i was never absent. 1 of the absent dates is 2JAN -__-. i hate the ezlink tapping system. and the worst thing is, if my attendance goes <90% i will be barred from taking promos (at least thats what they say). damnit damnit!!
i was late 3 times too, and guess what, 2 times it was because swimming ended late and i was stupid enough not to pass my card to someone else first.

damn eukaryotic genome. im taking forever to get it in.

2008-05-25T17:49:00.002+08:00

i shall do a random update on my life

1. ive got insect bites all over from who-knows-what and rashes on my left arm since titans. counting them whenever im bored. about 20 bites. itchy!
2. i'm getting back my mood to study now that hols are here. strange. but thank goodness for it cos gotta chiong for jct.
3. i want to change my specs.
4. my cousin donated her blood yesterday and the needle was enormous but she said it was painless. a little freaky to see the huge thing being poked into her arm. she said she could feel warm blood travelling out of her body.
5. i wanna try for titans next year but will have to train train train like madness.
6. ive gained weight.

how do you differentiate this?
just SQUACKit!

2008-05-21T22:59:00.002+08:00

temasek titans on for yesterday, today and tmr. on first aid duty and reaching home at 930pm which isnt actually that bad. but rashes and insect bites now probably cause open air=sauna now. in case you didnt know, highest temp 34.1 deg c. anyway the worst was yesterday cause me and xiaowen left our bags in the sick bay and by the time we went to collect it it was locked. wallet with ezlink and Very Important Items in bag. phone with me but battery died until cannot die anymore. waited 20 years for the bus.

today was much more mundane duty (which is spose to be a very good thing) but at least bag was safe, phone fully charged, wallet in pocket.

thank goodness got no more tests this last week so i can come home and bathe and slack straight away. oh, no, except pee double eww. (growl) and there's no more swimming yessssss :)

i think life is getting pretty hard for everyone now. but we will eventually come out 2years later and can tell ourselves if we survived jc hell on earth we can survive most other hells that we'll face in future.right? resistance training.

TWWOO MORE DAYYYSS BEFORE I CAN WAKE UP LATER THAN 7AM -hops round like a maniac-

2008-05-18T00:59:00.002+08:00

im sorry for the emoness in the last post. life's getting tough now, and while work is one of the factors, its mainly other stuff thats making it so bitter. but i guess eventually it'll get better cause it has to doesnt it? gotta look at +ve side now and look for hope no matter how elusive cause that's about the only way we can carry on. and thank god for my cousin who im living with now. its a wonderful feeling to be able to tell someone about your day, to have someone to moan and groan with at the end of each day. an inkling of a home life + family which i havent experienced for years.

2008-05-14T20:22:00.002+08:00

sometimes, we get nothing according to what we want. disaapointments after disappointments. guess we just gotta accept it then. what else can we do? sometimes the oppurtunity is simply not given to you. not once, but again and again. no point being resentful then. why am i feeling so then? sometimes you can try and try your best, give it your all, but in the end it doesnt pay off. fact of life.

wish i could remain optimistic and continue hoping, and believing there are other oppurtunities waiting, this one doesnt matter. or keep telling myself that not always getting what i want is something i have to learn to accept without complain, since that happens to everyone doesnt it? but when it happens again and again and again, and you see everyone else moving on except you, it sucks. i'm really wondering what's wrong with me. why i can't seem to do anything right. i am trying, really trying. am i doing it wrong any way? over here there's no one to tell me. there's no one to give a damn it seems.

i almost did it again today. after so many months. please dont let me fall back into that awful cycle.

2008-05-11T17:30:00.002+08:00

another monday looms ahead. its like the big black tunnel at the end of the light. plus next week is the REAL bio and chem spa. having titrations on my mind since friday. something as innocent as shaking bubble tea would set me thinking about shaking the 250cm3 graduated flask. i hope i dont get to the stage of pouring water drop by drop at the end point into a cup.

on another note, choir concert was fuunnnnnnnnn :)

2008-05-05T18:37:00.002+08:00

here i am again

yes yes i know i'm not supposed to be here with TWO TESTS PLUS CHEM SPA this week but wth who cares lah. its awful monday again. now me and 4 fellow geoggers have no break on mon till 4 cos of timetable changes. i prefer it this way cos we can end earlier but mondays are so damn tiring. sleeping from 2nd geog lesson till end of day. today i had jct chinese oral and honestly thought she was kidding when she said it was the real thing. it would be very nice news if i passed it. plsplspls let me pass.

there's plenty to be done tonight esp bio test studying but i feel like sleeping so i think i'll let my brain run on caffeine tonight. the alarm rang at 6 as usual this morning but i got out of bed at 630 which is very risky and would never have gotten up had someone not woken me :(

pe tmr. regret.

2008-05-03T17:25:00.003+08:00

i feel very underaccomplished cos i cant concentrate on my work. keep reading ancient copies of reader's digest which goes back to 1989. read till 2000 :) i notice there are alot of sob stories of child adoption and fatalities of mountainclimbers etc

i cant wait for june hols. im gonna make it wonderfully wonderfull and slllaaacckk the first week and heck jct. less than one month more :) :) :)

going to slack now !!

2008-04-27T22:18:00.002+08:00

ive survived a super rocky sec school life
i should be able to survive jc
shouldnt i?

i certainly hope so.

2008-04-22T19:51:00.002+08:00

home sucks
school sucks
everything sucks
i want to pon school but i cant stay home cause it sucks like hell. i want to pon the world.
im sick of everything
i want to stay in a hostel and get away from this dump and them

PI 999999999999999999th draft

2008-04-21T20:46:00.002+08:00

go and die PI 999999999999999th draft
go and die MATRIX2
go and die GPP, which will have to be redone
go and die PW, you waste my time
go and die geog notes on matrix2 which i can never access
go and die, work

2008-04-19T21:21:00.002+08:00

if we fall sick for any time more than 1 day we can prepare to be bombarded with manymany things to do until we die or fall sick again. thank god i'm fine now.

during my week of irritable mood and gloominess, ive chanced upon something very useful and time-saving. it brings adequete comfort in times of stress as long as used rightly and slowly. its called Work Therapy. divided into many categories, i find the chemistry one most effective for stress relief and maths the one most likely to worsen the patient's condition. strangely enough, it'll still work pretty well even when Work is the source of stress.

hoho. as kim would say, i have no life.

i dont like school now.

2008-04-16T17:26:00.002+08:00

been sick since saturday. head is groggy and heavy and pain and i cant do any damn work properly. i cant wait to recover. terribly tired and sleeping at 8.30 to 9pm. feel like a pig wasting a lot of time.

in fact im so tired now and i just want to sleep. but i think if i do i'll not wake up till 6am tmr. that would be 12.5 hours of sleep.

frustrated

2008-04-11T23:41:00.002+08:00

my body clock and function is going a little off. getting cold way too easily and konked out the moment i got home which was about 615pm. woke up long enough to eat dinner and bathe and konked out again. now here am i on the comp cause i cant bear the idea of me sleeping from 7pm to 8am at one go. really really hope i don't fall sick cause sick equals cannot study equals disaster as an avalanche of work topples over. there's already one though, on the brink of toppling.

well at least in jc a toppled avalanche won't really kill cause its made of worksheets and papers.

school

2008-04-08T18:02:00.002+08:00

school is something that started out absolutly perfectly wonderfully fine, and gets progressively bitter and awful and yukky. i could pinpoint the reason for that exactly, but i dunno if its my problem or what.

ive done my PI like three times. plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplsplsssssss accept it this time. i do realise ive got no innovation AT ALL and i hope you realise it too.

2008-04-04T17:53:00.002+08:00

i am so so so so glad its another friday. this week has been hell. left alot of work for weekend but there's the ark ambassador thing tmr from 1130 plus there's piano on sun so i doubt i cant finish all the shiitty work. got to redo my PI too.

2008-04-01T19:00:00.002+08:00

why i hate mondays

1. its the day after sunday
2. there's double geog
3. there's double CHINESE
4. monday is a long long day
5. lunch is at 11+ so we cant go out

ok basically this week which started not too long ago sucks. first of all, there's all my physical complaints since sunday.

1. something in my right eye that wont come out
2. left eyelid keeps twitching continuously. trust me its irritating
3. blocked/runny nose
4. feeling of wanting to sneeze but can't
5. extra tired and sleepy
6. mind groggy. cant work.

i think its due to the lack of sleep last week. rawrr. my body is such a failure it cant take sleeping at 12 or 1.
and school's not that great now cause im like invisible in my class.
stupid chinese teacher giving so much hw
and to top it all up, we've got MATHS LECTURE TEST on thurs.

what a wonderful week im having
rantrantrant

2008-03-28T22:15:00.002+08:00

been veryvery busy this week cause of pw PI. would go on com with inspiration only to find that FEASIBILITY is non-existent. happened quite a few times. but anyway today is friday night and I'M NOT STUDYING cause i've been slogging and sleeping late for past 1 week. dont wanna get burnout.there's 2 voices in my head. one's telling to me sloggggg and sloggggg and study 24/7 otherwise there's no time and i'll fail my tests (quite true). other voice telling me to reeelaxx reeelaxx there's time...see there's the weekend right ahead? so my rest and relax time now is actually quite disrupted by voice number 1.

a thousand and one activities and oppurtunities going on. i <3333 it :) though everything is somehow linked to student portfolio hehe.

ants

2008-03-22T20:41:00.002+08:00

i noticed that there are ants literally everywhere in my house. if i lie on the floor to watch tv i can expect to see many black crawly warly things around. not really surprising cause i bring my super sweet diabetes-causing food everywhere including my bed. the thing is...everytime i try to rid these ants by crushing, there is this strong smell of some weird chemical. and my fingers would have the smell forever unless i wash it. am i nuts or what? who else can smell crushed ants? tell me!

i resort to using lung power to get them out of sight. if i played tuba in band last time this method should be more effective.

2008-03-20T18:03:00.002+08:00

have you had a lecturer who sqwacks STOP TALKING at totally random points of a lecture? spices it up.

life has been mundane so far and non-bloggable but hey, i love a mundane life :)

am so sleepy today. yawn.

2008-03-13T19:16:00.002+08:00

i realised geog at A level is actually eergghh and maths at A level is actually eeeerrrrrrgggghhhhh. the tys shucks. cant do summation for $600,000 peanuts. if you can do tys summation questions, please, pleeaase, take me as your disciple. i'll follow you to the ends of the earth, hang on to your shirt tail, and admire you all my life long.

no actually i won't. but still take me as your disciple, thank you.

i still have a chinese essay (horror of horrors) to complete, which i'm procrastinating to the end of the earth with the excuse that i'm waiting for inspiration.

IVY: reply to multiply comment: at least we can concentrate more on studies without superduperuber heavy cca commitments :)